The Risks…

To me, the risks taste sweeter than the rewards.

6-3-2013, when asked about fears and doubts.

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Expression

I emptied out my heart tonight. I wasn’t sure how much of it I wanted to open but none the less I spilled out my emotions; every last drop. When combined with thoughts marinated in the sweetest of the concepts of love, I know the downpour had to of been overwhelming. I couldn’t control it! Once I opened my mouth, and said what had to be said…for her…and myself I guess…I couldn’t be silenced. I knew the consequence would alter the relationship but not necessarily break the bond; I took the risk. Life is too sudden to be stingy with love and truth.

I was told if you’re holding onto something that’s one of a kind, you should never keep it to yourself…and so……I gave my honest heart. What will be done with it, now that I’ve exposed so much? I took the risk and am curious to see where it leads…or possibly ends. Though I’d hate for that result.

I may have emptied my heart but she has the opportunity to refill it with new emotions; still I feel residuals of the old feelings. This is my way of affection…this is my expression.

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08/22/2014

Dear Fans of the Century,

Being back home in Aurora was nostalgic in its own way and I almost feel like I left it before I could fully intake every feeling of sentiment. Interacting with my old friends and adventuring with my family was by the far the greatest joy I’ve had in so many months; I even got to reunite my siblings together which hadn’t been done in YEARS. Even though I performed the Saturday before leaving, I must say that going to home to that warm embrace makes me want to do more in my career.

I’ve never felt so lonely and yet I’ve never been so motivated; I’ve been feeling both simultaneously. Going home as a man of ‘success’ was so rewarding. I’ve always measured my steps in the right direction by the appreciation and sincere encouragement from others. So knowing I have people cheering me on and loving what I do makes me feel like I was born for this.

I received an email a week within my vacation and it was from a fan I’ve acquired in Sweden. I didn’t think my music had extended globally already but hey, I’m all about world domination (musically! Not Hitler style). Ilona, my newest fan, had told me she stumbled upon my music, LOVED IT and was eager to hear my newest material. I appreciate her appreciation and I can’t wait to deliver my word.

Now that I’ve returned to San Bernardino, it’s back to business then. I have a lot to work on and to deliver but the heap of lyrics I’ve got to polish up won’t be sat on for much longer. It’s time to unleash the flurry of music I’ve been dying to expose to you all. So until then, thanks for your patience and loyalty; it’s paying off for both of us.

-Faballistic One

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Lucky Me

All my life I’ve been called lucky.
Even during the worst of times, I was told to consider myself lucky because things “could be worse”.
I was raised to keep a positive mind and appreciate what little we had; lucky us.
Often enough the foundation for this frame of mind gets meddled with yet still it stands strong.
Understanding this, I’ve evaluated situations & whether or not they ended well…I value their existence.

Every rejection has opened the door toward a greater acceptance.
Every ounce of pain has strengthened my endurance.
Every argument I’ve lost has sharpened my expression.
Every sun risen is someone else’s sun setting so just be happy Earth is still spinning; luckily.

I don’t consider myself lucky anymore because I feel the need for a stronger word.
Words like ‘Fortunate’ and ‘Blessed’ sprint into my mind as I read the sentence above and yet I feel like they don’t do justice to my perspective on where my life currently is and where it’s headed.

I can say without hesitation I’ve peaked in happiness because everything I had ever longed for has finally started to develop and I am living in the best of times; lucky me right?
When I thank God, I’m told to consider myself blessed.
When I thank my loved ones for their contributions, I’m told to consider myself fortunate.
All my life I’ve been called lucky…so what do I call myself?

After all the choices and consequences I’ve made in my life, I say for now……I’m rewarded……and that word is strong enough for me.

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July 19th 2014

We waited for hours…outside of a place we already had entry to. We waited for a DJ who would later show up short of two hours BEFORE closing time. We didn’t wait until then to go inside and do what we do best though…scroll down and follow me.

Fabal and crew wall

 

In the meantime, during the DJ’s absence, we did what every group of ambitious, confident artists do…we kicked off a cypher. Though it seemed to have lasted a moment, I had been beat-boxing for several minutes as the group members enjoyed spittin’ from the top of their heads. Even the security were bobbin’ their heads. We rehearsed and rehearsed, we greeted each guest that arrived and we socialized/networked. I’d say we were making this performance very personal.

Fabal Curt Ants

We were finally inside after paying our dues and yet, no sign of the DJ at the time. So Tory Law plugged in his Macbook and played some jams he had on hand. Most of our crowd stayed within their groups while we acted as social butterflies having to go around talking to everybody who made the time to come out and show their support. With Midnight nearby, I spoke to the group and together we discussed our frustrations regarding the delay in our planned performance. After much encouragement, I decided I had to just kick-start the scene. I approached Tory, and told him just to play the showtape he created so that no more time would go to waste.

Before I knew what was happening, the situation changed. Suddenly everybody from the crowd stood up from their seats, the security and staff watched and listened closely and StayXX$oul (the crew I’m a part of) turned up as I began screamin’ ‘Mic check’ into the microphone. Then my first song from my setlist actually started to play. Everything went by so fast I hardly even remember how I actually did. I watch the videos over and over again but I can’t believe I did what I did; it’s amazing. Even though the microphones were constantly defecting out and one side of the speakers kept cutting in and out, we still rocked the show like we ran the joint; without a DJ present.

Fabal and Angelie

Angelie Nicole and I got to perform our fans’ favorite ‘Secret Lover’ for the first time ever. The last time we were together for that song was in the studio recording it back in 2012; what an honor it was. She was amazing and charismatic while I played the hype man until my verses were up. The crowd really loved us and we loved them right back!

Fabal and crew selfie

After the show, we decided to capture this rare moment in our early careers because all of us haven’t been gathered together like this EVER. This was the first time but not our last and we are all still in full anticipation of our next gig/reunion. Everyone who touched the mic and stepped foot on the stage floor, owned the night. I am proud to have been a part of this moment in our history. We learned a lot about ourselves and about preparation, it’s unfortunate certain things had to happen in order to finally be educated but it’s all part of growing up. One day we get to look back at this and say to ourselves ‘July 19th back in 2014 was the moment our momentum took its giant leap forward’. Until next time, stay with me.

-Faballistic

Fabal and crew

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What Compels you?

What compels us? What is it that draws us to one another? What is it that creates a foundation of fascination in our minds?

Could it be the presentation of our current situation and/or the visualization of that “selfie” you took on our vacation?

Maybe it’s the display of one’s strength/happiness in their own photos or words, no matter how descriptive or bleak, during that particular situation that captures our interest. Maybe it’s not so much the location, in which the person is posing for us, but instead the fact that it’s that person who got the chance to be there. Yet sometimes, a person does not have to be anywhere exotic to draw our gaze. Maybe it’s the mystery surrounding that individual? “She’s in a bathroom…why do I even like this picture of her?” Try again. “She’s in a bathroom…what’s the story behind her choice to take this picture in there?” Bingo! It’s all about story!

Still, what makes a story so compelling? Words can have an impact but visuals through media can penetrate; like a hook piercing through our wonders and curiosities. Do we have to be able to see everything someone goes through? There are before and after pictures but what about the during pictures? There are never any because the other two answer that old, obvious and inevitable question…you know which one I’m talking about right?

It’s almost like, people want the scoop on how you got where you are summarized in one sentence. “What’s your secret?” or “How did this happen?” Our answer is usually one sentence long. The moment we get into detail, it becomes a story; an epic journey to our transformation. Now a days, people don’t want to be told the formula, they just want to know how it happened/how it worked. Unless you showed it, then suddenly the level of their interest of your process peaks.

So again, what compels us? Is it the visual or the story? What if the “after” needs a little more time? Can we still instill that feeling of being captivated by one’s success story or the aftermath their defeat if we haven’t anything to visually show for it?
Have we become too impatient, forgetful, or too easily distracted? Irrelevance, or maybe I mean to say becoming irrelevant, can feel like an atom bomb exploding on top of the structure of the progress we’ve made.

So what compels you? Tell me your story.

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6-28-2014

Dear Loyal Fans,

I hope you’ll excuse me for taking sort of long to write you. I had been in the studio this entire week except Tuesday (since I had to work late) and I’m returning again tonight. It’s been so incredible! I’ve been able to successfully get my album completely recorded however, I’ve been looking at my work from a different perspective and…I’m going back in there to rehash a few verses. The vision calls for a change and I know just where to apply it.

Now, I don’t want you guys to think I’m being overly critical on myself, I simply just want to give my best delivery EVER. The takes I have so far have shown my growth but now I understand I have to display that and more; I must highlight my ability to entertain you. I mean, in a sense music is a form of entertainment, right? In my journey to put myself on the board, I had almost forgotten that significance.

So I’m nearly finished (I know I’ve said that a lot) with this project and I couldn’t be more excited to show you guys what I’ve been up to! Last night in the studio, I met some really great artists. Two of them Tory Law, my producer and long time friend, had already known for a while but as we blasted our music into the surrounding neighborhood, two new faces approached; we invited them in and discovered they too have a love for making music. Even though my stomach was suffering from the combination of hot wings and an epic burrito, beers, freestyling, and even discussion of politics definitely contributed to the amazing atmosphere each of us constructed. When we got to recording, I got reminded that this is what I was born to do and also that we’re all one team with one dream. I even wrote a verse right then and there to record. I’ll provide the link to it once it’s leaked!

The stage is next, so…stay with me.

-The Faballistic One

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Rhetorical

Why is it when I feel closer to reaching my goal, another goal intrudes and obstructs my pathway?

Why is it when I gather my thoughts, they can’t ever seem to focus?

Repetition with the hope of change, is deemed insane. There has to be some form of change in order to see new results.

I’ve been told to chase my dream no matter what; to give it my all and nothing short of it.

It’s funny…when I had just about given up on this dream a few years ago, it kept showing up to taunt me. It was as if my dream was chasing me…hunting me like wildlife in its daily, repetitive lifestyle.

With the roles now switched, as I close in on my dreams, more pressing matters seem to surface and pull my head down into a quicksand. What am I supposed to do?

The question seems rhetorical since I don’t receive an answer. It’s tough going it alone…I’ve developed backbone but this weight on my head is making it harder for me to rise.

Still I give it my all and nothing short of it. I love this dream too much to give up on it; I’m too addicted to quit.

Still I wonder…am I doomed to repeatedly to get shoved off my momentum, of which keeps me sprinting toward my freedom from this struggle? It feels like, I’m crossing this worn bridge that hangs hundreds of feet above a dark abyss, and as I try to reach the other side I keep having to dodge spears and rocks being thrown at me at a random rate of fire; not to mention there’s chunks missing from this bridge.

With each projectile hurled at my head, torso and feet, I am forced to slow down and constantly dodge them; while getting clipped by them more than a couple times.

I duck my head…I bob and weave…and even though my destination is in sight…I can’t help but feel like I’m too wounded to enjoy it when I’m finally there. I even feel like the constant attack won’t cease when I step foot onto it.

I fear it won’t even be what I had prepared for. You know what though? I’ve come too far and pushed too much to survive the journey back home…this is all I have left; with whatever is left of me.

The upside is that I am indeed closer…closer than I’d ever been. I may sinking now but ‘now’ isn’t synonymous with forever. 

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